Rebelling teenagers choose relaxed dad over "strict" mom's rules - how do I get the kids to speak to me again?

Dear Anna,

My oldest bio kids have gone to live with their dad because of our household rules and expectations. There are no rules at dad’s house.
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My kids blame me for being different now that I have my significant other, and that him and I aren’t fair. I realize that when I was newly divorced I was a little more lenient because of guilty parent syndrome. I didn’t realize I was doing that. After I got with my significant other, I gained more confidence and started to enforce rules and expectations.

Now my kids don’t really speak to me, and on top of it my ex (their dad) is fueling the fire telling them that I’ve chose my significant other over them and that I’m a horrible mom because I think of myself and not them. On top of that, my family (my mom and brother) are now close to my kids (they weren’t when the kids lived with me), and are also jumping on the blame train. They tell me that I’m choosing my significant other instead of my kids.

I’ve explained to them that he also parented them because he cared for them. He was never hateful or unfair it was all because we wanted the best for them. My daughter was doing great in school and sports when she was with us, now she’s not she’s not doing so well in school and sports.

I’ve tried explaining to my family that they are incorrect, we weren’t unfair, and I am not choosing my significant other over my kids. They are really acting like spoiled teenagers that weren’t allowed to drink alcohol and do what the wanted to here so they are rebelling. Plus they are getting their way over there.
So my question is how do I get back to my kids speaking to me, I try and reach out to them at least once a week, they usually ignore my text.

Humble Mama 

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