 This may sound harsh, but I'm just going to say it. Regardless of whether you love your stepkids or not, dealing with bad behaviors can be emotionally draining.
It can be irritating because they aren’t yours, you didn’t create the problems, yet you need to deal with it or else your life will be impacted in big (and often negative) ways. You may feel like the house revolves around the child when they are present, and like you can’t relax or be yourself. This is especially true if you are sensitive to energies and feel unspoken “vibes” that you can’t explain. You may feel like a monster or evil stepmom, and not admit you have these feelings to anyone. I’m here to tell you it’s okay, you’re NOT an evil monster, what you’re feeling is normal. If you’re in this situation it can feel like - to some degree - your stepchild drains your energy or ‘sucks the life/joy’ out of you. The good news is that you CAN learn to successfully navigate life in your stepfamily, even if your personality doesn’t naturally go hand-in-hand with your stepchild's. Here are some do’s and don’ts (many of which I had to learn the hard way), of dealing with 'needy' stepkids. Here’s help in 3 easy steps. |
 | Do your stepkids act out or give you the cold treatment when they come back from biomoms (or maybe all the time)? Maybe they act lovingly when they are alone with you, but in front of biomom, or over the phone when she is listening, they are completely different. Do they care-take or over-protect their mother? If so, these may be clues that biomom is ‘toxic’. By my definition, a toxic biomom is emotionally unstable, and often puts her own emotional needs before her children’s needs. She often reacts with anger or sadness, and in the heat of the moment may put her children in the line of fire. |
6/25/2019
Sick and tired of all the drama?
Master the Karpman drama triangle and learn to step-out, now!
 | I was first introduced to the Karpman drama triangle as a pre-teen girl attending counselling with my family. Little did I know the impact it would have on my life, and the value that fully understanding it would provide to my own family one day. As a mom of 4, soon to be 5 (which includes my 2 full-time stepkids), my proudest moments are those where I can recognize negative family patterns and nip them at the bud. It’s in those moments that I really feel like things are flowing and happening for a higher purpose, and I’m healing my blended family and the generations that will come. What is this magical triangle that seems to explain so many aspects of unhealthy interpersonal relationships? |
11/23/2018
What's your Stepmom Mantra?
11/17/2018
What Have You Done For Me Lately?
Feeling unappreciated and taken for granted as a stepmom.
 | As stepmoms, we do a lot for everyone else on a regular basis. You may be packing lunches, taking your stepkids to their after-school activities, or taking a back-seat to the kids' daily necessities as dad takes care of them. Many times, we don’t get much in return for our efforts – not even a simple thank you. Over time, that can really leave you feeling taken for granted and unappreciated. |
Do you know the feeling? Like the old Janet Jackson song goes, you may be asking your partner or stepkids, “what have you done for me lately?” (Irrelevant aside and confession: I’m a huge fan of 80’s music).
But what you should really be asking is “what have you done for yourself lately”?
I’m honored to feature this article from fellow stepmom and friend, Beth McDonough of BabblingBlonde.com.
I met Beth at a networking event I organized for stepmoms in Toronto this past summer. Beth’s openness and vulnerability in sharing her experience as a same-sex step-couple were truly inspirational. Despite Beth’s unique experience being part of a “nontraditional family within a nontraditional family”, her triumphs as a stepmom are so commendable.
She’s taught me that as stepmoms, we have more in common than what makes us different. I hope you enjoy this honest perspective and can’t wait to hear your feedback. Also, be sure to read to the end and check out the link for my guest post on BabblingBlonde.com
I met Beth at a networking event I organized for stepmoms in Toronto this past summer. Beth’s openness and vulnerability in sharing her experience as a same-sex step-couple were truly inspirational. Despite Beth’s unique experience being part of a “nontraditional family within a nontraditional family”, her triumphs as a stepmom are so commendable.
She’s taught me that as stepmoms, we have more in common than what makes us different. I hope you enjoy this honest perspective and can’t wait to hear your feedback. Also, be sure to read to the end and check out the link for my guest post on BabblingBlonde.com
 | In a recent call with a stepmom, the issue of stepmom overstepping, meddling and taking-over came up. It’s such a fine balance between stepping-up, and over-stepping… it’s almost like a dance. You don’t want to step on the other person’s toes, but sometimes being in-sync with one another (especially biomom), isn’t easy. Full disclosure: I love dancing, and I love using analogies to teach, so when this analogy of the two-step came to me, I got so excited I had to drop everything and write about it ASAP. Thanks to that lovely stepmama for the inspiration ;) |
 | In a recent survey of my stepmom community, I learned (not surprisingly) that the biggest struggle stepmoms identified was the biomom, and various aspects of her presence. If you are having problems with biomom – whether it be jealousy, bitterness, resentment, communication issues, non-acceptance, lack of discipline, or anything in between – this blog is for you! |
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